Fitting In

My wife and I went to a banquet last night, a nice affair. She looked great, and I was dressed in my nicest black suit. But when we got to the door, I immediately knew I was under-dressed. All the men I could see were wearing tuxedos, but nothing on the invitation said, “Formal.” Oh well.

We checked in and Cynthia knew I was uncomfortable. She said she’d be OK while I ran home and changed if I wanted to. And I did. Twenty minutes later I was back - in my penguin suit like everyone else. Yea, I’d have been alright in my suit, but I did feel better in the tux. Just another confirmation of the old saying, “You can take the boy out of the country, but you can’t take the country out of the boy!”

The incident reminded me of a dinner a few years ago in Jerusalem. Our traveling group was to have a nice formal meal at the hotel before flying home the next day. When you’re touring sites in Palestine, formal means a tie, and, if you have one with you, a jacket. But one guy showed up in a tux. I immediately thought how he’d had to haul that tux with him over the past ten days of touring. And then I thought how awkward he must feel being so overdressed. I felt awkward for him. But maybe he was one of those guys who doesn’t care what others think. Maybe, but who really is like that?

I’ve wondered what it is that makes us want to “fit in.” It’s not just peer pressure or social cohesion. Nope, for me it’s more primal than that – I simply don’t want to look stupid, especially in public. By blending in we lower the risk of being noticed, questioned, and having our deficiencies pointed out. However, if you don’t know what’s expected, if you don’t know the unwritten rules, or if you haven’t ‘been there before,’ you either have to have a lot of chutzpa, or like me, be ready to make a quick change.

Think about this when you invite someone to church. Often visitors are concerned about appropriate dress, as well as what will be expected of them. They want to “fit in.” However, what if the goal of worship is not to make everyone “fit into” a uniform expectation, but to stretch us so we fit in with God’s diversity?

Holy Conferencing

The Annual Conference of the SC United Methodist Church ended Wednesday. With all that occurred, it was, in a word, uninteresting. That of course is just my take on it. And I don’t name it such as a complaint, just an observation. A lot of people worked hard to make things run smoothly and that’s exactly what I told the Bishop when she asked Wednesday at lunch how I thought Conference was going. “Smoothly,” I responded.

Presiding over our proceedings, she did her part well, even getting everything done ahead of schedule. She assigned the preaching and Bible study times to our new church pastors and that was good. Hearing their enthusiasm and commitment to win new converts was inspiring, but it also was somewhat like when the foreign missionary comes to speak at your church. You’re thankful for the work they are doing, but you realize they are in a different world than yours.

We recognized a lot of churches and people for excellence in ministry over the past year. We again took Tuesday afternoon and did acts of service in the Florence community. We voted on the Constitutional Amendments (voting down the ones related to changes for the worldwide nature of the church by a consistent 85%). We commissioned and ordained some great new ministers, and we passed the necessary budget and reports, in general with little discussion. So, we did some good things over the four days.

Maybe that’s all Conference should be, that and the time for fellowship, (catching up with folks you care about but rarely see). But a part of me is nostalgic. I “grew up” in the Conference when the business, the budget, and the social stance of the Conference were often hammered out on the Conference floor. Breaks were a time to discuss strategy and the amendments we’d make motions. There were “characters” who interspersed humor or called us to observe parliamentary procedure with “points of order.” There were the wise leaders of the Conference, often not agreeing with one another or the presiding bishop, but guiding us with experience and vision.

Now it is obvious the “work” is done elsewhere, in committees and cabinet meetings, and Conference is there to receive the reports and give official approval. And maybe that is the way it should be. A new generation of leaders affirms the real work of the Church is done not when we gather as delegates, but when we scatter into fields of service. So I guess Conference should then be a time to celebrate, renew relationships, and worship. But sometimes I miss sitting on the edge of my chair waiting to gauge the next speech in a contested debate, and hoping and praying the Church body makes a wise decision with its vote.

Don't Mess With the Help

Recently I have talked with a minister and a church staff person (neither of them on my staff) who have been accosted right before the worship services. A member of the congregation pulled the person aside to complain, strongly. No questions for clarification, or suggestions, just raw ugliness expressed over the inconvenience the complainer had endured.

Unfortunately this is not a rare occurrence in churches. It’s happened to members of my staff and to me, just not lately. And it is so wrong. What causes some church members to think that verbal abuse of a church staffer is acceptable preparation for worship? Inconceivable, but true. I don’t think that even a legitimate complaint should be voiced at worship time.

I have a rule for my staff members on this (which they don’t always invoke unfortunately). Whenever this happens they are to step away and say, “Stephen has a rule that all complaints are to be taken to his office. I am not supposed to listen to them.” I’ve found that most complainers are not going to go to the trouble of coming to me – it really wasn’t so important that it would be worth the extra effort. And, if they do come to me, they find that the complaint had better have substance; and they’ll have to listen to me talk about the big picture of what we’re about and how this concern fits (or doesn’t fit) in with that.

So, if you are a church member and you’re unhappy about something, make an appointment and talk to the staff member about it. If you can’t do that in a reasonable way, then pray and ask God to reveal what’s keeping you from being a decent person. Don’t mess with the hired help, especially on Sunday. In nearly every case they are just limited, mistake-prone humans trying to serve God while being overworked, under-appreciated and underpaid.

I know that a true “complainer” will never pay attention to a message like this. And while the Church has a lot more encouragers than discouragers, it only takes one or two rotten apples to make the whole bushel seem bad. So, if you ever witness such an interaction, I hereby authorize you to enter the fray and announce, “This is inappropriate, and I’m telling.” Better yet, help create such an environment of encouragement in your church that the chronic complainers will be the ones who feel uncomfortable.

Survival Basics

During one of the convention speeches last week I started channel surfing and caught part of one of the survival programs I enjoy. I never remember the name of the guy, but he’s put out in some wilderness area and has to survive as he finds his way back to civilization. Yes, the program has to be rigged for video recording, but still I enjoy it, especially the problem solving skills used as he tries to provide for the basics of survival.

And what are those basics? Water, shelter, food and fire - that’s what I surmise, although a survivalist may add more or rearrange the list. What the program emphasizes is that if you don’t provide for the basics, the body becomes too taxed and soon the mind cannot reason correctly and you can’t respond adequately to threats.

A couple of times this week I have been with friends and church members who have gotten horrible news - information that has dropped them down right smack in the middle of a different kind of wilderness. Life cannot go on as it did, and emotionally, they are thrust into providing for the basics of survival.

And what are those basics? Well, again, here are my suggestions. What are the emotional needs that have to be attended to before reasoning begins to falter?

SECURITY. We need assurance that we and our loved ones are safe. We need a non-anxious presence that sends a beacon of calm through the fog. We need someone in whom we can trust.

ACCEPTANCE. We need assurance that we are accepted just as we are with all our brokenness, wounds, inadequacy, sin, inability, and imperfection. We need release from the fear of shame and rejection. We need someone to welcome and acknowledge us.

AFFECTION. We need to know that we are liked and that our presence is desired. We need evidence that attention will be given to our needs. We need know there is someone to care for us.

COMPASSION. We need to experience empathy from others and we need to be moved to empathy for others. Compassion acknowledges our interdependence in sadness, joy, anxiety, and laughter. We need someone with whom to share.

I’m sure you noticed that I didn’t list “love.” That word just means too many different things to people. And I feel confident that if you experience security, acceptance, affection and compassion, you’ve experienced love. What would you add to the list?

Stepping into a crisis moment as a pastor, I would love to “fix” things – make it all right for everyone. Impossible. But I can by my presence remind others of the one in whom we trust. I can demonstrate acceptance and affection. And I can give and receive compassion. With those emotional basics in place, reasoning will not become scrambled, and those in the wilderness can find their way back.

I wonder if we could gauge the effectiveness of congregations in a similar way?

Lake Junaluska

As we drove into Lake Junaluska, NC late last night I couldn't remember when I was here last. It seems as though its been a couple of years. My summer commitment to teach at Emory COS keeps me from taking advantage of the SC Laity Convocation and Minister's Week or other good offerings up here. I didn't realize how much I'd missed being here.

Early this morning I walked down to the cross overlooking the lake and distant mountains. (We're staying on the hill at Lambuth Inn.) It was peaceful, though from my perspective there is a sense of expectation. Most of the Southeastern Jurisdictional Conference delegates will be arriving today. We have opportunity to hear the six nominees for bishop this afternoon, and then the Conference, and voting, starts tomorrow morning.

My daughter Kelsey was trying to explain to a friend where she was headed for the week. She said, "It's a hidden valley in the mountains of North Carolina, with a pretty lake, a couple of hotels, a bunch of retired Methodist pastors, an 11 PM noise curfew, and nothing else around." Teenages do have a different view of things.

Getting Ready to Move

Several of my friends (on line and in real life), as well as my wife, are expected to move to new appointments this year. Since I don’t have to move, I’m in the perfect position to give unsolicited advice on leaving an appointment. The only problem here is that someone will direct me to my own words when my moving day appears. Even so, I can’t resist.

There is often unacknowledged temptation to be the super-pastor, hard at work up to the minute the moving van pulls off. Totally Unrealistic, and Inappropriate! Once the announcement is out that you are moving, you’ve basically “left” in the minds of the people. That’s normal, and healthy, as they begin to disengage from your leadership. That disengagement prepares them to more readily engage the new leadership when she/he arrives. So don’t disrupt it. You might dislike the teasing of being a “lame-duck” pastor, but realize that the lame-duck status is necessary and right. Accept the new status as a mandate to giving time to cleaning out files and books and “stuff,” and giving good attention to your own family members. That said, here are my three simple rules for moving from an appointment.

1. Let go what you’ve left undone.
This is often the hardest thing to do. We all have things in our ministry that we didn't really get to, or only partially got done. There are people we still feel the need to visit or counsel. Leave all of these as they presently are – undone, and definitely do not propose or start anything new! Your work is finished there, except for a few acts of closure and celebration. Trust God to care for those who need caring for and to carry the church through the transition. Let go of it. Your ministry in this place, as all ministry, will be incomplete. Draw a line in the sand and give your attention to a good transition.

2. Say goodbye with gratitude, but without promises.
Every pastor has a few people they tend to grow closer to than the rest of the congregation. Maybe you’ve been through difficult times with them, or you just “connected” as friends. Make a short list of these and make a way to say goodbye. Let there be gratitude for the journey shared, but avoid any promises that suggest you can continue to be a pastor to them. Tell the ones you leave that their new relationship to you as “friend” will not be the same as the one they’ve had to you as their “pastor friend.” Whoever your successor is, speak positively of him/her, and encourage the people to make the new pastor feel welcomed and loved as they have done so for you. And don’t overlook staff members in this process.

3. Don’t assume the transition will be good, make it good.
Get your sermons and worship notes for the first six weeks already lined up. You know you will have to write introductory articles for either a bulletin or newsletter. Go ahead and prepare them. And keep a couple of your decent funeral messages on hand. Free yourself from tasks you can expect so you can focus on settling in, and on putting your energies into meeting the new people.
Leave behind “descriptive” (as opposed to “advisory”) notes about things your successor will need to know, as well as an up-dated membership list, a list of shut-in’s and current critical care needs, positive words about people, job descriptions, the name of a trustworthy car mechanic, a list of your favorite restaurants, and, a written prayer for God’s blessing on her/his ministry. And finally, God’s already way out ahead of you and you’re already playing catch-up, so don’t go back.

All together in one place

When the Day of Pentecost came, they were all together in one place. What does that tell us? It tells us that they weren't scattered about, each doing their own thing.

Peter didn't have his group of followers, as opposed to Matthew having his. Thomas hadn't started Doubters Anonymous, and James and John hadn't yet created the five simple steps to sitting at the right hand of Jesus. They were all together, in one place, and the spirit of God moved upon them.

We are so caught up in the culture of American individualism that we have a difficult time grasping the significance of how the day of Pentecost began. Before there was a rushing sound, before there were tongues of fire and languages, and before Peter's powerful sermon was given and converts were made, the people were together, in one place, in one prayer.

We have a harder time being present to one another than being present to God - but can we truly be present to God if we are not present to one another?

UM Mission Confusion?

The mission of the United Methodist Church is “to make disciples of Jesus Christ.” GC08 will consider changing that to add “for the transformation of the world” (¶120). While it has a nice sound to it, I’m not sure it is an improvement on what we have.

Some might argue that the addition changes “making disciples” from being our primary purpose to being a “means” or method by which we transform the world. In other words, it says our real goal is to transform our world, and that the reason to become a disciple of Jesus Christ is so that we can achieve that goal.

It’s definitely a “Methodist” statement, which means it is sufficiently ambiguous. It leaves wide open for interpretation “how” we are going to transform the world and what such transformation would look like. That’s the perfect scenario for any cause group to argue that their issue deserves priority attention since it is part of our “mission.”

My hunch is that our boards and agencies will see the two parts of the statement as having equal leverage and then choose which one to emphasize. And since the preponderance of the evidence so far indicates we either aren’t comfortable with “making disciples” (or don’t know how), then we’ll see more and more material on how we good Methodists can and should be transforming the world.

You would think that with all the extensive talk about our declining membership, everyone would want to be clearly focused on making disciples of Jesus Christ. Of course, we don’t work to make disciples just to grow the church, but if we are making disciples, the church will end up growing. And if people become actual disciples of Jesus Christ and aren’t just names added to the rolls, then (as Paul beautifully says in Romans 12) they will be transformed, becoming people who transform the world.

Transformation of our sinful, broken, wayward world is important. Note that even in the Great Commission (Matthew 28) that after Jesus says “Go and make disciples of all nations,” he then says “teach them to obey everything I have commanded you.” If you get into the Word and apply his teachings, you will work to transform the world. That’s always been the Methodist way: warmed heart, accountability group immersed in scripture, and living the faith by “doing no harm, doing good, and attending all the ordinances of God.” (General Rules, ¶103)

The world transforming aspect of our mission is already expressed in the Discipline in ¶124: Our Mission in the World – God’s self-revelation in the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ summons the church to ministry in the world through witness by word and deed in light of the church’s mission…As servants of Christ we are sent into the world to engage in the struggle for justice and reconciliation. We seek to reveal the love of God for men, women, and children of all ethnic, racial, cultural, and national backgrounds and to demonstrate the healing power of the gospel with those who suffer.

The new statement sounds more politically correct and is already being used by many of our church leaders, but will it serve us well?

Revealing Clergy Appointments

Applause to Bishop Willimon. He had the clergy appointments of the North Alabama Conference posted on the conference web site just a couple of days after the cabinet finished making the appointments. You can see it here.

Rumors abound during the appointment season. Since pastors and churches are instructed, "Don't tell anyone" it becomes a game of "tell but don't tell." Pastors naturally want to know where their colleagues are moving, and with the guessing, a lot of mis-information gets passed around. I have to believe Willimon's move to put the list out there can only help to cut down the speculations and talk.

Leadership involves standing in public by your decisions. And to me, this shows leadership. What do you think?

Should a Pastor's Salary be on Public Display?

The United Methodist Church had a great location on a main road near a mix of residential and light retail businesses. The facilities were well kept and fairly modern. They had a preschool and from all the bulletin boards and information sheets in the gathering area, the church has a active ministry.

On a table in a prominent place, surrounded by small stacks of flyers announcing events and ministries, was the "2008 General Budget." Begging to be read, the sheet began by listing the details of the pastor's salary and of the assistant pastor's salary.

That angered me. What right do the church leaders have to publicly display that information? None, believe me, none of the the members of the Staff Parish Relations Committee or the Church Council would want their salary information posted in public. In fact, in most businesses, revealing another's salary information is cause for dismissal. Shouldn't they afford the same respect to their pastors, and other staff for that matter?

Since a pastor's salary is a covenant matter between the pastor, the church and the Conference, it is voted on in a public meeting, the Charge Conference. And by the time it gets from the SPRC through the Finance Committee and the Church Council, the leaders of the church know what the salary is. That is enough.

Shouldn't churches combine the staff figures in public budget reports?

A World Without Cool

Ever been enticed to keep up with the latest "cool" thing? Ever had a child worry about whether their clothes, or more critically, their presence at some event, would come across as "cool" or not? Of course you have. Ever had your church feel the pressure to imitate the latest "cool" event another church has? We live in an ever-changing world of "cool-ness," that keeps us unsettled, unsatisfied, unhappy, and always looking for what's out there. It's a climate perfect for those ready to market and sell us on the next best thing.

The other day I read Ariah Fine's blogpost This Is How It All Begins about Adbusters Magazine
and their "anti-cool" issue. His post shows an ad with the following quote:

“I want to live in a world where nothing is cool, where things actually are as they appear. That would be extraordinary. I want food and a living environment
that are not part of some suit’s strategic vision. Cool has betrayed all of us. I want reality.” - Jessica Masse, Maine, USA

I'm sure the reality Jessica wants is not the stuff of made-for-TV reality shows. But what is it? Is it the non-packaged, or marketed, authenticity of life? How can the church offer its authenticity in a commercialized world of "cool-ness?" And, more importantly, does the church remember how to offer the message of redemption in a world without cool?

The church was not designed for a “consumer” oriented world. Ever since we basically allowed ourselves to be defined as consumers, it has required an adaptation to make the relationships and nature of the church apply. Some churches have done well, finding ways to make trade-offs, and sometimes force-fitting the life of faith into the world of the market. They continually keep up with cool, and they have enjoyed acclaimed success for their efforts.

There's a large group of churches that are so turned-inward that they pay little heed to relating to the world. And then there are a few who circle up the wagons and see themselves as an alternative to the world. They define themselves by exclusiveness.

I think most, however, fall in between the extremes, not sure how much to adapt, or how much to compromise, and end up simply looking for something that “works.” They don't expect to lead the way in the church coolness factor, but they do like to show up at the party. So we try to relate to the world by keeping up with the latest jargon, incorporating the latest visuals and songs in worship, going for the trendiest materials from the publishing houses, and doing whatever else we can think of to show the world we're trying to reach that "we're players in the game (of coolness.)"

You think I jest? In just about any town you can find homes where the family chose to join a certain church because it's the coolest one in town. They like having the church's logo on their car and clothing, to show others they know how to be at the "right" place. Nothing wrong with them enjoying the cool events being offered, but you quickly get the feeling that church is just another piece in the family's/individual's "coolness" ensemble.

So, what would "church" look like in a world without "cool?" What would happen if we determined to relate to the world through service rather than trends? What if we put down the cool, and took up the cross?

As you welcome others...

A relatively new member shared a story with me yesterday that made my heart sing. She told me about taking her sister to a United Methodist church, and she told me I could share the story.

Her sister, with family support, finally took her son (under 3 years old) and left an abusive situation. My friend flew out to support her sister and told her, "You're making a new start, and you're going to go to church." She knew her sister would resist, so she made her plans ahead. She looked up United Methodist Churches on the web and called a church in the town, also named Trinity. She called and got the worship times and told them they were going to visit on such and such a Sunday.

As expected, the sister resisted, wondering what those church people would think of her, and how they'd treat this single mom from not the best of situations. But they went to worship. The people so warmly welcomed them, they stayed and enjoyed the fellowship time afterwards.
The sister had to make her son leave - he was having such a good time there.

When they got in the car her sister looked at her and exclaimed with amazement, "What just happened? Those people didn't even know me and I already feel as if they are part of my family!" My friend said she tried to explain to her sister that that is what being part of a church is all about.

Anyway, that was a couple of months ago and her sister hasn't missed attending. In fact, this coming Sunday her sister is joining the church and having her son baptized! Thanks be to God.

I want to carry this story around with me. When we get to General Conference and deal with all those debates about such and such, I want to remember that what it really boils down to is whether the people called Methodists remember how to welcome others with the love of Christ. And I want to delight in people who do what it takes to get their sisters, brothers, friends, or whomever to "taste and see that the Lord is good" (and the Lord's people!).

Civic Religion

How much attention in the worship service should you give to civic occasions, such as Veterans Day? It's a small issue that floats on top of the church/state cauldron. Jesus neatly side-stepped the issue in his day with his well-known "give Caesar's stuff to him, and God's stuff to God" response. But he was an itinerant preacher who moved right on, whereas we are in the midst of our people, answering to them, at least until the Bishop deems otherwise.

So, do you observe closely the divide Jesus delineated? Do you give only God's stuff to God in church, and keep the state's stuff out? If so, you might be like my friend, Rev. Clayton Childers, who says we shouldn't even display the US flag in the church - its presence gives the appearance that the church condones American policies that are in opposition to the values Jesus taught. That's probably an expected stance for someone like Clayton who works for the Board of Church and Society.

Do you cringe when everyone stands for a prayer before a football game? Do you look for a calendar conflict when asked to give the invocation at a political gathering? Do you agree with a Bishop we once had who said the church should not observe Mother's Day? Do you eschew singing "My Country Tis of Thee" or "America" in a worship service? Then you might just be a Methodist of the reformed tradition - in everything be clear that our allegiance is to God alone. Disavow the public prayers that give a "nod to god" while basically ignoring his commandments. Keep alert to sniff out such occasions of civic religion, and lead your flock in devotion to the God who stands above all kingdoms and powers and rulers.

And yet, we are pressed upon as pastors to fulfill the role of civic clerics. We are asked to bring a divine blessing to events that have little or nothing to do with the God we serve. We straddle the awkwardness of honoring the veterans who have served us, while not glorifying war. We field the sincere pleas of church members who want a good 'ole flag waving patriotic worship service like the Baptists down the street. What to do?

I think we all have to find a level of compromise we can live with. I'm most comfortable expressing my patriotism outside of church, but like my people, I am thankful, thankful to God, for my country and the liberties I enjoy. I am indebted to those who have sacrificed on behalf of our country's call to duty - whether or not in the long run we learn those who issued the call were correct. Taking some time to acknowledge those feelings is to me, an appropriate attention to the needs of the people. Praying at civic events may not adequately reflect the God we serve, but it may, in a prevenient grace manner, remind those present of the God who stands behind all gifts we receive.

As odd as it may seem, it is the story of Jesus' first miracle (according to the gospel of John) that helps me with this. Now I know that John reports the turning of water into wine as a way for Jesus to "reveal his glory" - a radical impinging of the kingdom on common life. But, as John Pilch indicates in his commentaries on the "honor and shame" society of the East, Jesus could have been motivated simply to alleviate the potential shaming of the wedding host. In other words, Jesus meet the need of the people where they were, not where they should have been.

When I fulfill roles that to me are more of a civic religion nature than Christian, or when I have the veterans stand and be honored by their friends and neighbors, or when the Boy Scout color guard brings the flags into the sanctuary and we sing with zest the patriotic hymns, I just remind myself that hardly anyone who drank the best wine at that wedding understood who Jesus was or what he was about, and yet there was wine sufficient for all.

So tomorrow, on Veteran's Day, we will honor our vets, and I will preach on the Jeremiah 29 text, "seek the welfare of the city where I have sent you into exile, and pray to the LORD on its behalf, for in its welfare you will find your welfare." However, instead of singing "America, the Beautiful" we will sing that wonderful Georgia Harkness hymn, "This is My Song."

This is my song, O God of all the nations,
a song of peace for lands afar and mine....

This is my prayer, O Lord of all earth's kingdoms:
Thy kingdom come; on earth thy will be done.
Let Christ be lifted up till all shall serve him,
and hearts united learn to live as one.

O hear my prayer, thou God of all the nations;
Myself I give thee, let thy will be done.

A Different Mosaic

For our upcoming Celebration and Consecration Sunday, the staff has been working on a video presentation for the church. I got to see the first draft yesterday. It uses pictures of our church members in various ministries and worship settings with a sound track of voices responding to the question, "What does Trinity mean to me?" Wow, I loved it. If our members can get over the issue of a gigantic projection screen set up in our sanctuary on that Sunday, I think they'll be moved by it as well.

The pictures, so many faces, doing such a variety of things in ministry, make me realize anew that it's hard to truly see what a church is all about. And if that's true for me as the pastor, imagine what it's like for the people who just come to worship. Plus, often we see without really seeing.

The philosopher Hegel said that when something is very familiar to us, it remains unknown. He probably meant something much deeper than this, but we can become so used to the people around us that we no longer really see them for who they are. Or, we look through or beyond our surroundings.

A big part of leadership is keeping your own eyes open, and helping others to do the same. I've heard it said that the task of a leader is to remind the organization of its purpose. Maybe the primary task it simply to remind others to keep their eyes open and to see the mosaic of life in which we live. Open our eyes, Lord, to see how your Spirit fits the pieces of our lives together. Then we could expand our UMC tagline: Open hearts, open minds, open doors AND open eyes.