Torn today

Today I am supposed to lead my covenant group with pastors in the Residency program, but I am driving to another state to attend the funeral for the mother of a close friend. Presence means so much, but there's just so much anyone can do. But I guess you can still feel torn over it. And you can hope those you aren't present for can accept and understand.

I told one of the group members yesterday that I had chosen to go to the funeral. I apologized for missing the group time. Attendance is mandatory for the Residency pastors and I stated I hated to set a bad example to them about not making the Residency meeting the hightest priority. She graced me with these words, "Maybe you're setting the right example, that we need to be there for one another." Still, I feel torn today.

Support Systems

Spent some time this week working on a way to connect some people with each other, all of whom are going through significant personal change. I want them to have the opportunity to support each other. Then spent time on the phone with a person in crisis across the state. In response to my questions, it was clear there was no support system of friends, and the person really wanted a recommendation of someone just to talk with.

So, here's a reminder to me and anyone who reads this. Have you worked on your own support system of friends lately? Called to check on them, or just to chat a minute? If you have a network of people you can call on, I know a lot of people who would consider you wealthy beyond measure.

Virtual Wake

I'm sure it's happened many times before, I just wasn't where I could take note of it. But this time I noticed it when reading my brother's post that honors a friend he'd never met. With internet relationships, we have entered the age of virtual grief.

Through a common interest in photography, Tom, my brother, had a friendship with Dave Anderson, who recently died. The friendship was tied to their Flickr accounts, where they made comments on one another's photography. In his posting, Remembering SisuDave, Tom mentions other tributes posted to Dave. What better expression of loss would there be than for virtual friends to leave virtual condolences?

I've always kinda rolled my eyes when I read in obituaries where the funeral home says condolences can be sent to the family through their web site. I figured it was a way for the funeral home to generate more web traffic and have more advertisement exposure. And I thought to myself, if I couldn't make the visitation for a family I cared about, I think the proper thing to do would be to write a personal letter, not send an email through the funeral home. But those thoughts have concerned people known in real life.

Now through social networks on the web, people have relationships with internet friends and virtual communities. What is the proper way to express and deal with the loss when they no longer exist? And I suppose these tributes are not really for the family at all, as in a "real" visitation/wake. They are for the virtual community to process their loss, and to somehow acknowledge the human emotions behind the user names.

Is the day coming when we have online funerals? Don't laugh. There are already virtual churches. And there are many people fully intwined in social networks on the web. When a social group experiences a death, will the members all log in at a certain site to to say their goodbys? And will the online service attempt to reflect the faith of the person loss, or strive to be faith neutral? And who will fill the priestly roll of gathering the people into one, and voicing their loss, and grief, and hopes, and faith before God (or in a faith neutral attempt, the unknown)? Could get interesting....

Blogging Friends

No thoughts this morning. Just took a few minutes to add several links to the Fav Blogs list, friends who have been, or who have recently started blogging. Am finding this a wonderful way to keep up with folks, and be more a part of their lives. The other day I ran into one blogger at a meeting we attended, and we had more to immediately talk about. I like that.

Re-connections

Yesterday was a day for reconnections. It began with my men's bible study starting back after a month's break. We have coffee, discuss the next passage as we work our way through a book of the Bible (we're in John's Gospel now), and close with prayer. We call ourselves M.A.D.Men meaning, Making-A-Difference Men, and meaning, you have to be a bit daffy to be up at 6 AM to study the Bible.

We have about 15 regulars who have a "don't hold back" attitude when it comes to questioning the text and trying to figure out what it means in our lives. These brothers in the journey renew me weekly.

Then at lunch re-connected with my Rotary Club. These men and women come from all across our community. It's a good club that does a lot of service in the community, but eating lunch with varied friends is perhaps the best part of it for me.

Finally, last night I went to have late coffee (!) with an old friend who once was in ministry as a colleague. After some years of a different path, he feels the need to reconnect, and I'm glad for it.

I used to test off the scale as an introvert, which most people don't believe since they see me enjoying being around people so much. I do still need my private quiet time for recharging, but I realize now that connecting with folks is just as important to me. Of course, I'm no where near like my wife and two girls. They keep up with friends from all over the world and from different times in their lives. Wish I'd done a better job of that through the years.